![]() ![]() But now they're adults, and it's a different relationship, and they're gone forever Mary Babic I do also share your sense of loss–every time my kids went from being one stage in their development to another, I would miss the previous ones so much. I would get up with her a million times and hold her and help her fall back asleep–but oh God, I’m tired. No one is out there saying, “Thanks for being up all night with your toddler while the dad is asleep in the bed.” That’s the kind of thing that is erased by today’s Mother's Day–that deep suffering that is also something you would completely do again. It's like you can see that love and pain are two sides of the same coin.Īnd it’s those kinds of things that are not recognized by Mother's Day. So it's this strange feeling of love/pain all at once. But I'm so happy that she's developing language. But she said it for like two weeks, and now she says open. My daughter used to say the word “dappydoo” instead of open when she wanted something opened. You have so much love for a tiny little thing, but also so much fear and so much sadness, because they're constantly growing up and they're constantly changing in front of you. From my own experience, the moment you have a kid, you live two truths all the time. Sarah Tuckey A lot of what motherhood is like truly is suffering, on various levels. Mary Babic There is an argument that the pro-life movement is racist, that they want to compel white women to have more babies. Because she's just adding so much negativity to that conversation. These people are saying you are not a mother unless you have carried a child within your body and given birth (in whatever manner).Īnd it’s fascinating because it's just another comment in a larger narrative that is saying to women that your sole purpose is to create life– particularly if you are a white, upper-middle-class woman, your job is to have children in this country. Sarah Tuckey In my mind, it relates to reproductive rights. ![]() Mary Babic I've gotten several emails from online vendors warning me about Mother's Day, and saying you can opt out of our messaging on this–so at least the commercial world is starting to recognize that it can be a very difficult time for a lot of people.ĭo any of you want to address Marjorie Taylor Greene's recent comment about who is a mother? She was talking to a stepmother–Randi Weingarten, president of the teachers’ union–and Greene said the only person who is a mother is the one who gave birth. It has become a very gendered highlighting of what women's role “is supposed to be” in society. And the idea that if you do not do so as a woman, you are not fulfilling your purpose of existence. I have friends who feel like it's a day that recognizes the societal pressure to reproduce. And for Father's Day, it would be like we're going to do an activity. Our gift would be: we will cook dinner, we will do the cleaning. Kaitlyn Henderson As a kid, for Mother's Day, our gift would be alleviating some of the care responsibilities–and I had never really thought about that till you just said that, Sarah. Mary Babic The distinction between Mother's Day and Father's Day is fascinating my daughter, now 21, often remarks when she sees a man with little kids, wondering that that’s still not the norm it's moms who are constantly having the relationship with the little kids–either at home or even in a care facility it's still a woman's role. Whereas, when fathers have Father's Day, there's the intention for them to do something with their kids. I want a day off, I want to go to the spa. It's like we've contained motherhood in this concept that is so unattainable–and we've erased any sort of idea of the sacrifice of what it takes to be a mother.īut what does Mother's Day mean now? I see a lot of moms saying, for Mother's Day, I just want to get away from my family. Sarah Tuckey I want to comment on the fascinating transition of what Mother’s Day was–that it was to recognize the sacrifices of mothers who are sending their children off to war–and what it is now-a day where we sort of valorize the idea of the woman who does it all. So I wonder how you all feel about it now. I do like the history of Mother's Day in the US, which has to do with anti-militarism–but it has obviously mutated into something that's about commercialization and sort of the sanctification of what it means to be a mother. Mary Babic I think it's fair to say that Mother's Day has become a weird cultural touch point for us all. ![]()
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